Have you ever left a therapy session feeling like you were just starting to open up—like you’d finally hit something important, only to glance at the clock and realize time was up? As a therapist, I’ve witnessed this many times. I help people do deep inner work that takes time to unfold, often more time than we have in a traditional session. That’s what led me to explore something different: Therapy Intensives.
Over the past year, I began offering these extended, deep-dive sessions that last several hours or span multiple days—and the results have been incredible. Clients are shifting long-held patterns, finding clarity, and making powerful, lasting changes—faster than I ever imagined.
In this first post in a series, I’ll share why I’ve fallen in love with therapy intensives—and why this format might be the missing piece in your healing journey too.
What is a Therapy Intensive?
A Therapy Intensive is an accelerated approach to therapy that allows for deeper, more focused inner work. Instead of the typical 50-minute session—where we often have to pause just as we’re getting somewhere—intensives offer a spacious container to stay with what’s unfolding until it feels more complete.
In my practice, I offer 3- and 5-hour therapy intensives for individuals, along with multi-day options. These spacious containers allow for deep healing, trauma processing, and clarity-building—work that often gets squeezed or fragmented in standard-length sessions.
When I first started trying intensives, I really wasn’t sure how it would go. Would so much time together feel awkward? Would clients be exhausted? Would it feel worth it?
But after just a few sessions, I was hooked. What I witnessed in those early intensives—the depth, the momentum, the real and lasting transformation—was so powerful.
I was amazed at how much could shift in a single 3-hour intensive. Clients were making breakthroughs around long-standing issues—things they’d been circling for years. It often felt like we were gathering months of therapy into just one session—and the breakthroughs reflected that. Therapy intensives help clients reconnect with their true self, resolve inner conflicts, and move forward with more clarity and confidence.
Clients say things like:
“My relationship with this issue has completely shifted.”
“I feel lighter, clearer, more myself.”
“That felt like a breakthrough I’ve been waiting years for.”
“I’m changing lifelong patterns.”
These aren’t just feel-good moments—they’re real, lasting shifts that ripple into relationships, careers, and how clients show up in the world.
The work feels whole. We’re not just scratching the surface or circling something for weeks—we’re healing at the core.
Why It Works (Especially for Highly Sensitive People)
As a sensitive, empathic, and intuitive person myself, I know how much depth lives inside us. And I know it can take time to warm up, feel safe, and drop into the vulnerable places that need healing. Weekly therapy can sometimes feel rushed—or like we’re hitting pause just as we’re getting somewhere meaningful.
With therapy intensives, we don’t have to rush. There’s space to slow down, explore deeply, and be thorough. It’s like a deep cleaning—getting into all the nooks and crannies and tending to what’s hidden. And when those hidden parts are seen and integrated, clients often report feeling lighter, more grounded, and more aligned with their intuition and inner strength.
Many times in weekly sessions, I find myself wrapping up sessions saying things like, “I know there’s more here,” or “Let’s bookmark this for next time.” Not in an intensive. In these longer sessions, there’s a natural sense of completion—a felt experience of resolution and movement. In fact, the sense of completeness at the end tends to be so satisfying.
Is a Therapy Intensive Right for You?
Intensives aren’t for everyone—but for the right person, they can be life-changing.
A therapy intensive might be just what you need if you:
Have a specific issue, trauma, or stressor that needs more space to unpack
Feel stuck or like you’re not making the progress you want in hourly therapy
Want to make a big shift and feel ready to go deeper—now
Struggle to fit weekly sessions into your schedule
Feel drawn to immersive, accelerated healing work
Whether you’re navigating trauma, burnout, a major transition, or simply want to reconnect with yourself, therapy intensives offer a focused and accelerated path forward.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like your healing journey is calling for more space, a therapy intensive could be the missing piece.
The breakthroughs I’ve witnessed in intensives aren’t just fast—they’re deeply felt, embodied, and often long-lasting. If you’re craving a shift, this might be the path forward.
Ready to explore what’s possible with an intensive?
Let’s talk about what you’re longing for and whether this format could support your next big shift. I offer online therapy anywhere in Georgia and in-person therapy in Carrollton, Georgia. Learn more here or book a free consultation—I’d love to connect.
If you’re a highly sensitive person, therapist, or caregiver, you probably know what it’s like to juggle responsibilities while trying to make time for your own needs. When life pulls you in different directions, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or triggered by small moments—especially when they disrupt your carefully planned day.
One of the biggest benefits of therapy and mindfulness practices is the ability to recognize when you’re triggered and return to a state of calm faster. This skill can help you navigate stress, protect your relationships, and prevent difficult emotions from taking over your day.
Recently, I had an experience that reminded me just how powerful inner work can be. A small but unexpected change in my morning routine activated a protective part of me. If I hadn’t turned to my self-care tools—journaling, meditation, and inner awareness—my entire day could have spiraled into frustration.
In this blog, I’ll share how I worked through my reaction using mindfulness-based techniques. My hope is that you’ll walk away with practical strategies to help you move through emotional triggers with more ease, whether you’re navigating the demands of work, relationships, or daily life.
Mindfulness in Action: Navigating Emotional Triggers in Daily Life
Recently, my husband and I were heading to Atlanta for our son’s college track meet. We planned to leave at 10:30 AM, and I had structured my morning carefully so that before we left I could:
Journal
Meditate
Work out
Prep and pack food and entertainment for the day
It was going to be a tight schedule, but I was proud of myself for getting up early to prioritize my needs before focusing on others. Then, my plan hit a curveball.
As I stepped outside to my journal spot, I saw my husband there and could tell he had something important on his mind that he wanted to share. After listening for a while, I noticed several competing responses coming up inside of me:
A Relationship-Prioritizing Part: This part of me values my relationship deeply, knew what he was sharing was important, and wanted to be fully present for him.
An Inner Time Manager: This part was trying to internally readjust my planned schedule so I could both support my husband and fit in my self-care before our departure.
A Protective Part: This part guards my time fiercely and started feeling antsy as the conversation went on.
As the minutes passed, my protective part became more activated. I know from past experience, if left unchecked, this part can show up a:
A martyr (“I have to give up what I want for others—again!”)
A victim (“I never get to do what I want.”)
Passive-aggressive frustration (“I’m never going to get everything done before we leave.”)
Thankfully, my husband noticed my tension and kindly wrapped up the conversation, allowing me to continue with my increasingly needed morning rituals.
How to Use Self-Care Tools to Reset After an Emotional Trigger
I knew my protective part was triggered. And I also knew I didn’t want to carry that energy into our day together. So I turned to my self-care tools.
Journaling to Acknowledge the Part
I love to journal with a simple spiral notebook and a great pen!
First, I spent time journaling about it, allowing this part of me to fully have a voice, tuning into ways it feels familiar—as a working mom, I have a lot of places my energy goes, and my self care time feels sacred to me, yet I often don’t feel I have enough of it.
I know I am not alone in this. I have heard variations of this story from many clients—especially sensitive therapists, helping professionals, parents, and caregivers who give so much of their time and energy to others. It’s a familiar push-pull between serving others and honoring personal needs.
Meditation for Emotional Regulation: Unblending from Triggers
After journaling—a powerful tool for emotional processing—I used meditation for self-care and emotional regulation, with the intention of getting some space from this part or me and reconnecting with my grounded Self. At first, the emotions felt so big, and I wasn’t sure I could separate from them. But I stayed with my breath, inviting expansion into my larger Self.
During meditation, I connected with a familiar healing archetype—a nurturing, comforting presence. For me, this archetype represents deep wisdom and nurturing support—like an internal guide helping me reconnect with balance. As I visualized this archetype, I saw my overwhelmed part—deflated, hopeless, and believing its needs would never be met. But as I stayed with the image, something shifted.
As I witnessed the part receiving nourishment, I felt my perspective broaden and time expand. I realized that:
I was getting my needs met—just in a slightly adjusted way
Supporting my husband in that moment was important to my whole system
There was still plenty of time for self-care
I spent about 20 minutes in this meditation, allowing my inner resources to help this part feel seen, heard, and nourished.
How Mindfulness Helps You Recover from Emotional Triggers Faster
Our yummy lunch in Atlanta
By the time I finished my inner work, I felt lighter and more open to hope and possibility. I had freedom from the rigidity of this part. The shift from my earlier activation felt like a mini miracle! I apologized to my husband for my earlier tension and expressed my appreciation for what he had shared.
And you know what? I still had time for a workout (even if slightly shorter), and we had a wonderful, connected day together.
I didn’t end up packing a lunch, which allowed us to enjoy a spontaneous meal out—something I wouldn’t have embraced if I had stayed stuck in my activation.
How You Can Use These Self-Care Tools in Your Own Life
Many of my clients struggle with similar challenges:
Feeling torn between responsibilities and personal needs
Getting activated in small moments and carrying that energy all day
Struggling to return to a calm, grounded state once triggered
Inner work like therapy, journaling, and meditation don’t erase life’s challenges, but they give you the tools that strengthen your ability to respond rather than react, which is absolutely life changing.
If you resonate with this, here’s how you can start incorporating these practices into your life:
Journaling: Give your emotions a voice before they take over. Breathwork: Use slow, deep breaths to create space and expansion. Visualization: Connect with an inner resource that brings you comfort. Self-Compassion: Recognize that your needs do matter, and find ways to tend to your needs.
If you find yourself stuck in emotional overwhelm, inner work can help you shift more quickly and regain balance. If you’d like personalized support in developing these inner awareness tools, I’d love to support you. Click here to learn more about my mindfulness-based therapy approach and schedule a session.
As a dedicated book lover and aspiring minimalist, I rarely buy hard copies of books. But when a client told me about Past Tense by Sacha Mardou, my interest was piqued. I love books about people’s therapy journeys, and Mardou’s focus on Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy—a core part of my practice for over 20 years—made it especially appealing.
Last fall, I had the privilege of hearing Mardou speak at an IFS conference. Her presence, vulnerability, and courage moved me, and I knew this was a book worth purchasing.
First Impressions: A Graphic Novel About Therapy
The first thing I noticed about Past Tense was its physical weight—common for graphic novels, but surprising to me since I don’t usually read them. It’s a quick read (one or two sittings), yet it carries profound depth.
The book explores Mardou’s therapy journey, which begins with high anxiety and unexplained physical symptoms. After some initial hesitation, she starts working with an IFS therapist recommended by her acupuncturist. The graphic novel format beautifully illustrates her inner parts, bringing her therapeutic process to life in a uniquely visual way.
The Layers Beneath Anxiety
As a therapist, I often see clients come in with anxiety, stress, or physical symptoms without understanding why they are having these symptoms. After some exploration, we can usually uncover deeper layers of pain beneath the surface.
Mardou’s journey mirrors this process. One of the most rewarding parts of being a therapist is witnessing those connective moments when clients begin piecing together their inner experience. It’s a tremendous honor to walk with people through these transformations.
Healing from Trauma Through IFS Therapy in Past Tense
The book weaves together multiple storylines, including Mardou’s childhood trauma—parental neglect, sexual abuse, incest, religious trauma, and domestic abuse. If these topics are triggering for you, it’s helpful to know that going in.
As an empathic therapist, I usually avoid trauma-heavy content in my free time. But despite the intensity of the themes, the focus on healing creates a sense of hopefulness. The graphic novel format also makes it more digestible.
Integrating Trauma Work Into Daily Life
One of the book’s most compelling aspects is how Mardou integrates her healing into her relationships with family members. She grapples with the impact of her trauma on these relationships while working toward growth and change.
Clients often wonder whether revisiting past pain is necessary. “There’s nothing I can do to change it, so why would I want to think about that stuff?” This book beautifully demonstrates how exploring and healing past experiences can shift your present life in profound ways.
Working with Resistance to Therapy
Mardou, who is British, notes the cultural norm of maintaining a “stiff upper lip.” She initially resists therapy, questioning whether it’s necessary or helpful. Unfortunately, this stigma around therapy remains prevalent in many cultures.
I remember my own reluctance to seek therapy in college, believing I should handle things on my own and fearing judgment from a counselor. It wasn’t until I interned at a college counseling center that I realized how many people seek therapy as an act of self-care. I wish everyone could see how many “normal” people benefit from therapy—it would go a long way in reducing the stigma.
Comparative Trauma and the Right to Heal
In a section titled Therapy is for People with Real Problems, Mardou downplays her own suffering by comparing it to the struggles of her family members. Her therapist’s response is powerful: “You have the right to examine your life and heal.”
This is a common pattern among therapy clients, who dismiss their own pain because “others have it worse.” While it can be helpful to keep perspective and be grateful for the ways we have not suffered, comparing our pain to others tends to minimize our real experiences. Your suffering matters and deserves healing, no matter how it compares to others’ suffering. Your healing does not take away from other people’s ability to work on their own healing—it creates more room for healing all around.
Healing Backwards and Forwards
Mardou explores generational trauma within her family, recognizing how past legacies still shape her present. By doing the inner work to heal, she disrupts these patterns, reducing their impact on her own daughter. She also holds hope that her healing might positively influence her mother’s healing process.
How might your children and future generations benefit from your healing? Imagine if your parents and ancestors had done deep inner work, bringing healing to their traumas and wounds—how different might your life be today? Doing your own healing not only frees you but can also create a ripple effect through your family line.
Trusting Your Intuition About Therapy
At one point, Mardou switches from a male therapist, Chris, to a female therapist, Sally, before later returning to Chris. I love how she honors her intuition about what she needs at different points in her journey.
Every therapist brings unique strengths and styles. Sometimes allowing ourselves to receive different therapeutic perspectives can help us grow in complementary ways.
What Makes Mardou an Ideal Therapy Client?
Throughout the book, I kept thinking, I’d love to be her therapist. Why? Because she actively engages in her healing process both in and out of her weekly sessions.
She takes notes after sessions, sketches her insights, reads about trauma, and implements changes in her daily life. This level of commitment leads to real transformation. As a therapist, witnessing clients engage with their inner parts, shift relationship patterns, and embrace their healing is like watching miracles. I never tire of it.
You don’t have to write a book about your therapy journey to benefit deeply. But taking time to reflect, journal, or process with someone you trust can help you get more out of therapy
A Minor Criticism
The book includes some political commentary, which might feel distracting to some readers. I appreciate Mardou’s full expression of her story and believe the therapeutic insights more than make up for these moments.
Final Thoughts: A Powerful Look at Healing Through IFS Therapy
Past Tense is a powerful, insightful graphic novel that beautifully captures the therapeutic journey. It offers a rare, intimate look at the healing process through IFS therapy, making it a fantastic read for therapists, therapy clients, highly sensitive people, and anyone curious about deep inner work.
If you’re looking for a compelling, relatable, and inspiring depiction of therapy and personal transformation, this book is absolutely worth your time.
Inspired to Start Your Own Healing Journey?
Curious about how IFS therapy could help you heal? Whether you’re working through anxiety, past trauma, or patterns of behavior you want to shift, I’d love to support your journey. Learn more about therapy with me or book a free callto explore if we’re a good fit. I offer online counseling sessions in Georgia and in person counseling sessions in Carrollton, GA.
Book Review: Past Tense by Sacha Mardou– A Graphic Novel on IFS Therapy and Healing Trauma
In this post, I’m sharing a painful personal story about how extreme self-reliance kept me from asking for help when I needed it—and I’m offering practical steps to overcome this challenge.
A Painful Personal Experience
This isn’t an easy post to share because this week I was reminded of just how painfully close to home this issue can hit. But I believe that by sharing our vulnerability, we create a safe space for others to do the same. So here goes…
Last week, I hurt my back during a Body Pump class—a workout I’ve participated in for 20 years without injury. The pain was immediate and intense, but what surprised me just as much was my inability to ask for help when I needed it. Despite being surrounded by friendly faces and supportive peers, my ingrained self-reliance prevented me from reaching out. In that moment, the self-reliant parts of me insisted that I handle everything on my own, even as both pain and shame built inside me. I couldn’t overcome the belief that asking for help would be a burden—a notion that felt intolerable to this part of me.
With the class continuing on around me, I was trying to figure out how to put away all my equipment and just get to my car. A more vulnerable part of me wanted to ask someone to help put my things away. “It’s fine,” that part whispered, “the people around you would be happy to help.” But my self-reliant part shut that thought down, insisting, “Don’t disturb their workout. Don’t draw attention to yourself. You don’t want people to think you’re dramatic.”
I was experiencing an inner “polarization,” as we say in Internal Family Systems (IFS), a common dynamic where our inner parts take opposing sides. In this case, my self-reliant part overruled every other voice. I felt I had to manage on my own, even though every movement intensified my distress. Bending over, picking up weights—every step was painful. As I painstakingly put away one weight at a time, the physical pain was compounded by inner turmoil:
Shame: A part of me felt I didn’t deserve help and that I must not be a burden.
Helplessness: I was confronted with my deeply ingrained belief that I must handle everything on my own.
Self-judgment: “I’m a therapist. I help people with this exact issue. And here I am, not able to do it myself!” That was perhaps the worst part.
Reflecting on that moment, I realized that the struggle to ask for help isn’t just about physical pain—it’s a window into our inner beliefs about vulnerability and self-reliance. (Ugh—this part of me does not like being called out!)
The Benefits of Self-Reliance
Don’t get me wrong, self-reliance isn’t all bad. It’s a core American ideal many of us were raised to emulate, often associated with independence and beliefs about taking responsibility for our own lives and success.
There are many aspects of the self-reliant part of me that I greatly appreciate. This part helps me work hard, be disciplined, and be a creative problem solver who faces challenges with determination rather than giving up. Working through a challenge or persevering on our own can boost confidence and increase our sense of self-agency, which in turn makes our achievements even more satisfying.
Self-reliance is not a problem in itself. Sometimes, though, these parts become locked in extreme roles. Under the stress of my injury—and with fewer inner resources due to pain—the extreme version of my self-reliance showed up, preventing me from allowing help. And sometimes, we actually do need help. In this case, refusing to ask for help could have worsened my injury (thankfully, I don’t think that wasn’t the case).
The Hidden Costs of Extreme Self Reliance
Although self-reliance has many gifts, when it becomes extreme, it can come with significant costs:
Emotional Isolation: Believing that you must handle everything alone can lead to loneliness.
Increased Suffering: Avoiding help often means prolonging physical and emotional pain.
Perpetuating Shame: The notion that needing help is a weakness only reinforces self-critical beliefs.
Missed Opportunities for Connection: Asking for help can foster deeper relationships and mutual support.
How do you know when self-reliance has crossed the line into self-isolation?
Steps for Working With Self-Reliance
Overcoming the need to do everything on our own is challenging—but it’s a process that can lead to a more authentic and balanced life. Here are some steps to help you work with through the challenge of extreme self-reliance:
1. Recognize Your Patterns
Reflect on Your History: Notice when you tend to shut down and refuse help. Is this linked to childhood messages or past experiences? Growing up, what messages did you get about asking for help? How has self-reliance been reinforced in your life?
Example: I am the youngest child of four. There were times my needs and requests for help undoubtedly got lost amongst the noise of our large family. This may have led to the belief that my needs are not important and that even if I ask, I may not be heard. I also recall that my father disliked what he considered “dramatic” behavior. I learned from a young age to be compliant and avoid making a scene. These early messages taught me to be self-reliant and instilled fear that asking for help might be seen as weakness. All of this contributed to my decision to not ask for help when I needed it last week.
Journal Your Experiences: Write about moments when you resisted asking for help and how that made you feel. Awareness is the first step to change.
2. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Often our self-reliant parts developed early in life. We have the opportunity to “reparent” them by offering positive reframes with compassion—much like we would help a struggling child.
Practice Kind Self-Talk: When you have thoughts like, “I should never need help,” consider positive affirmations, such as, “It’s okay to need support. I am human.”
Affirm Your Worth: Remind yourself that asking for help is an act of self-care and strength, not a sign of weakness.
3. Challenge the Belief That You Must Do It All Alone
Experiment With Small Acts: Start by asking for help in low-stakes situations, like asking a friend for a ride or a colleague for input on a project.
Practice with Safe People: Let trusted individuals know that you’re working on being more open to help, and invite them to join you in that practice.
Celebrate Vulnerability: Notice that when you ask for help, the response is often kind and supportive. This helps break down the belief that vulnerability leads to rejection.
Example: The day after my injury, I had to pass on a monthly lunch with friends because of my pain. Since I couldn’t attend, one of my friends kindly offered to bring food to me. That act of support provided me with a corrective experience—a gentle reminder that accepting help can be both healing and affirming.
4. Seek Support in Your Community
Build a Network: Surround yourself with people who value openness and mutual support.
Accept Offers Graciously: When someone offers assistance, practice accepting it. Over time, this reinforces that sharing the load can lead to stronger connections and less stress.
Be a Non-Judgmental Helper: As we can help others without judging them as “less than” or needy in some way, we become more able to open to receiving help without judgement or shame.
How Therapy Can Help with Extreme Self Reliance
Therapy is a great place to get curious about your self-reliance parts. I often use Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy to help my clients and myself understand these inner voices. Here are some additional ways therapy can help:
Safe Exploration: We discuss past experiences where self-reliance has been both a strength and a source of pain, exploring the roots of these beliefs.
Explore Your Emotions: Together, we can discuss the feelings that arise when you consider asking for help. Understanding these emotions can help you work through them over time.
Experiential Exercises: Experiential exercises can help us get to know the inner landscape that keeps your from asking for and receiving support. Role-playing and guided imagery help you practice asking for help in a controlled setting, building confidence for real-world situations.
Mindfulness and Reflection: Mindfulness practices enable you to observe your internal dialogue and recognize when extreme self-reliance is taking over. This awareness creates space for a more supportive response.
Develop a Personal Action Plan: Identify specific instances where asking for help would benefit you, and create a step-by-step plan for how you might approach these situations.
By exploring these issues in therapy, you can gradually build a new relationship with vulnerability—one where asking for help is seen as a courageous act of self-love rather than a failure.
Asking for help is a courageous act of self-love.
Final Thoughts
The struggle with self-reliance is a deeply human experience. My experience in that Body Pump class reminded me that sometimes our strongest defense—being completely self-reliant—can leave us feeling isolated and overwhelmed. Learning to ask for help, while not easy for many of us, is a vital step toward healing and growth.
If you’re ready to explore these patterns and transform your relationship with self-reliance, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can work on building a more balanced, connected, and compassionate approach to life.
Contact me today for a free 15-minute consultation, and let’s begin this journey toward embracing vulnerability and transforming self-reliance. I offer online counseling sessions in Georgia and in person counseling sessions in Carrollton, GA.
Welcome to my blog’s revival—I intend for it to be a space for authentic, helpful content rooted in my nearly 30 years of experience in the mental health field. Whether you’re a fellow therapist, Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), burnt-out achiever, or an empath seeking personal growth, I hope to share insights that resonate. Like many of you, I’m sensitive to the overwhelming noise of the internet, so my intention is to create content that feels grounding and valuable rather than adding to the clutter.
The word “revival” for this blog may be a stretch, since it was never more than a few randomly inspired posts. This time, I hope to be more consistent. But publicly committing to consistency makes me nervous because I honestly don’t know if I’ll follow through. Between my roles as a mom, psychotherapist, and transformational coach, my time and energy are already stretched thin. Even one post a month would feel like a HUGE success to me.
In this post, I share my personal process with revisiting blogging. Even though I’m a therapist and have done lots of my own inner work, I still sometimes struggle with a lifelong theme of perfectionism, and it definitely showed up for me around this blog! I’ll also share how I worked with my perfectionism with the hope that it can help you too.
The Challenge of Consistency, Overwhelm, and Procrastination
My process began with brainstorming ways to set myself up for success. I knew consistency would be a struggle for me, so for months I considered creating a backlog of posts in advance—but I never sat down to write a word. Then, I fantasized about a solo writing retreat at a cozy beach house: long walks, the soothing sound of waves, and uninterrupted hours to pour out my thoughts. But that never happened either.
Next, I spent an evening making an extensive, categorized list of blog ideas. I scoured the internet for inspiration, questioning whether my themes would be helpful or if I even had anything valuable to say. By the end of the night, I felt completely overwhelmed and ready to give up—exactly the opposite of what I had hoped.
Recognizing My Perfectionism
The next morning, as I reflected on my process, I had a moment of clarity: my old, familiar friend, perfectionism, was here. Once I recognized it, I knew I could do something about it.
Despite its name, perfectionism isn’t about being perfect. It’s about the constant feeling that nothing is ever good enough—that no matter how much you do, you could always do more. My perfectionist doesn’t believe I’ll ever be “perfect.” Instead, it keeps me stuck in cycles of overthinking, self-doubt, and inaction.
Perfectionism is almost always linked to the inner critic—that voice inside that questions your worth or tells you you’re not enough. My inner critic was whispering things like:
“Don’t embarrass yourself.”
“Do you really have anything valuable to add?”
“You’re not a good enough writer.”
These voices can be so automatic that we don’t even notice them. That’s exactly what happened to me. My perfectionism had disguised itself as “strategizing,” keeping me spinning in my head instead of taking action.
The Fear Under Perfectionism
When I paused and reflected, I saw the fear underneath my perfectionism. At its core, it wasn’t about doing things perfectly—it was about fear. Fear of being judged or criticized, of falling short, of not living up to the undefined standard I’d created in my mind.
The biggest barrier to me blogging consistently isn’t time management or the demands of being a working mom—although those are very real. It’s the perfectionistic drive to “do a good job” that can paralyze me. This is a cycle I’ve seen in myself and so many others: we strategize and procrastinate endlessly because starting feels vulnerable and risky.
Have you ever noticed perfectionism and fear of not being good enough holding YOU back from starting something new?
Moving Forward In a New Way
But here’s the good news: once we recognize perfectionism running the show, we can do something about it. Awareness is the first step. To truly shift our relationship with perfectionism, we need to better understand it and create a new way of engaging with it.
Understanding Perfectionismand the Inner Critic with Mindfulness and IFS
As a psychotherapist for highly sensitive people, I know that mindfulness and authentic self-compassion are a game changer when it comes to healing and personal growth. If you’re struggling with perfectionism, it’s important to bring curiosity to this process, especially for those of us prone to overthinking and self-criticism.
One of the most effective ways I’ve found to address perfectionism and self-criticism is through Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. IFS is a model of therapy that views us as composed of parts led by a core Self, much like the Pixar movie Inside Out. All parts of us are trying to support the larger system in some way, but sometimes they become locked in extreme roles.
IFS helps us see our perfectionist and inner critic as parts of us, not all of us. Specifically, parts like the perfectionist and inner critic are protectors, trying to shield us from hurt, failure, rejection, or shame. Through IFS, we separate or “unblend” from these parts, recognizing they’re just one aspect of us—not the whole. By getting curious about them and approaching them with compassion, we can create more inner freedom.
This is exactly what I did once I recognized that my perfectionist had snuck in without me knowing it. I actually felt great relief in that recognition. Just recognizing a part has taken over interrupts the old pattern. Once I realized what was happening, I could approach things differently.
Approaching her with curiosity, I saw that she was trying to protect me from feeling foolish or hurt by criticism. Her intentions made sense, and when I met her with understanding and validated her efforts, she relaxed. That transformative moment of self-compassion gave me clarity and inspiration for this blog-revival post.
If you struggle with perfectionism or your inner critic, here are 6 mindfulness-based steps to try:
6 Steps to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Shift Out of Perfectionism
STEP 1: Interrupt the Pattern by Checking in to See if a Part of You is Activated
When you notice you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, give yourself a moment to pause and reflect. These feelings are often indicators that a part is taking over. Tune inside and see what’s present. Listen to your inner dialogue. Are the words critical? Is your inner critic telling you that you’re not good enough?
Sometimes the inner dialogue is loud and clear, and sometimes it’s more quiet and subtle. Be patient and take time to tune in to what your inner parts are communicating. This is a skill that can take time to develop, so if it doesn’t come easily, know that it will strengthen with practice!
Try This:
Pause right now and think of a recent moment when you felt stuck or overwhelmed.
What was your inner dialogue like in that moment? If you don’t remember exactly, just imagine what it likely was.
Write it down to begin recognizing the voices that were present.
STEP 2: Acknowledge the Parts of You that are Present
Take a moment to recognize that this striving or critical part is present and needs attention. What might it feel like to pause and acknowledge your inner critic without judgment? Using “parts language” can help, such as saying, “Oh, my inner critic is here,” or “My perfectionist part is taking over.”
Try This:
Take Take a deep breath and say out loud, “My inner critic is here” or, “Oh, hello perfectionism.”
How does it feel to acknowledge this part of you?
Try naming it or
tuning into what this part might look like.
STEP 3: “Unblend” and Create Space
Once you recognize the part, create some distance from it. Deep breathing can help expand your sense of Self and remind you that this part is just one aspect of who you are, not the whole. Sometimes these parts are so big and so entrenched that it’s hard to do this on your own, but with practice it gets easier.
Try This:
Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Invite the part to feel the calmness of your breath.
Ask the part to give you some space. If it feels right visualize a boundary between you and the part.
Notice how yor body feels as you create this space.
STEP 4: Get Curious
See what you can notice about this part. How does it show up in your body? Ask this part of you: What are its concerns? What are you afraid would happen if you don’t do what you’re doing? Often, these parts are working hard to shield us from pain, rejection, or shame. Keep witnessing it with compassion, as you might a struggling friend.
Try This:
Ask your inner critic: “What are you afraid would happen if you weren’t here protecting me?”
Write down what comes up, even if it surprises you.
STEP 5: Practice Self-Compassion
If it feels possible, see if you can offer appreciation for this part and the ways it’s striving to support you and keep you safe. How might expressing gratitude to your inner critic shift your perspective on its protective role in your life? Ask it what it needs to relax. When these parts feel validated and supported, they often soften and trust the larger Self to take the lead.
Try This:
Place your hand over your heart and thank this part of you for its efforts to protect you.
What words of encouragement or kindness can you offer yourself in this moment?
STEP 6: Take Imperfect Action
Getting into action often takes some negotiation within our own system. Sometimes we need to tend to younger, more vulnerable parts of us who have been hurt. But we can start to move forward with small, bite-sized, doable steps. Honor your courage. And remember that progress (not perfection) is worth celebrating.
Try This:
Think of one small action you’ve been putting off because it doesn’t feel “perfect” or fully ready. It might be sending an email, drafting a paragraph, or trying a new recipe.
Set a timer for 10 minutes and give yourself permission to take the next step imperfectly.
Afterward, take a moment to reflect: How did it feel to take that step, even if it wasn’t perfect?
How might things shift for you if you embraced this approach more often
Moving Forward with Compassion
I’ve been working on this theme for a while! Here I am in a 2014 Brene Brown course on overcoming perfectionism.
For me today, the imperfect action is to share this blog entry, trusting that an imperfect post is better than silence. I invite you to take your own imperfect action—what small step can you take today to feel better in some way? Could it be reaching out to a friend, spending a few minutes journaling, or taking a mindful walk?
As I’ve written this post and prepare to hit “publish,” my perfectionist and inner critic have been very close to the surface every step of the way. They’re still very present, ever ready to step in and protect me from vulnerability. I’ve literally worked though the above steps time and again through this blog-writing process. It’s not always neat and tidy. It can be messy and hard and painful. But it’s worth it!
Because I have taken time to be with my parts in a different way, these parts of me are giving me space to take action because they trust me. I’ve built that trust by consistently showing up for them with curiosity and compassion. By listening to their fears, validating their efforts, and assuring them that I can handle vulnerability, I’ve helped them feel supported enough to step back, trust me, and let me lead. They feel heard and understood. They trust that I’ll take care of myself if someone says something mean or critical and that I’ll forgive myself if I’m not perfect in my consistency.
With each imperfect step forward, I remind myself—and encourage you—to celebrate the courage and progress it represents. Let’s honor each small victory as a meaningful step toward growth. Trusting that this blog, with all its imperfections is enough for now.
Imagine transforming your relationship with your inner critic and perfectionist. What might you accomplish if you were less afraid of messing up or being criticized?
Start Your Therapy Journey
These steps can help you create a more compassionate relationship with yourself and ease the grip of perfectionism. But navigating this journey on your own can feel overwhelming. Old patterns often take over without us realizing it, and an experienced therapist can help you identify and work with these patterns. Support can make all the difference.
If you’re ready to take the next step, book your free 15-minute consultation today and start transforming your relationship with your inner critic. I offer in person and online counseling sessions in Georgia. Contact me at [email protected] to see if we’re a good fit.
